AS IF!

I told him I had WAY too many things to look at while I was driving. My personal cell (including email, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Pinterest), my Blackberry (instant messages, emails, calendar entries), my iPod (podcast during morning show radio commercials), makeup (don’t judge–we were running behind this morning!), swim bag (did I remember my goggles for swimming at lunch today?)… Plus I was thirsty and had to get my water bottle from the back seat!

I know. He didn’t think it was funny either. I told him my theory about MomMom, he still blamed me.

But I know better. My current suspect is Paul. He has had his eye on a new reciever for MONTHS now. I think he rigged up a system so that whenever I went to the ATM (I was leaving the bank drive-through when I was stabbed), the weapon would deploy. Just to punish me for withdrawing money.

The other theory I have with Paul as the prime suspect is that he thinks I am fat and knew when I got cash I was heading straight for the Pepsi machine. Its got to be him, look how shady he is:

The goatee TOTALLY shouts "I DID IT!"

So this morning I stopped for an errand and when I was pulling back onto the road, the tire sounded LOUD. I pulled over, opened the door and heard PSHHHHHHHHT. I immediately slammed the door and made a break for it. I was only half mile from work, I could totally make it and be working while I waited for AAA to come (they don’t call me Susie Efficient for nothing). You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes when you are about to die? That didn’t happen to me. But similar to that, as I started to feel the car riding on the wheel rim, Paul giving me non-stop shit for weeks flashed before my eyes. I obeyed my 3rd instinct and pulled over. In case you are keeping a list, my 2nd instinct was to drive into the man made lake toward death so my fun life could replace Paul’s lecture in my last moments on Earth. Then I figured the lake was only about half up to my door, I would live so really  would only block out part of Paul’s yapping so I dismissed that thought. [First instinct you ask? Make a run for it--please keep up, people.] I pulled over and put on the hazards.

In hindsight I feel like I was very mature in my response. Until about 3 years, 3 months ago, 2 weeks and 4 days ago I would have called my dad. You know–because he could be very helpful when he is in Florida or Indiana and I am in NC. But I did what every mature, professional, with-it woman would do. I called my husband and cursed at him VERY LOUDLY. He responded appropriately (i.e. offering to come meet me), I declined and hung up to call AAA.

AAA Ed was a gem, really. He was very concerned when he showed me the tire with the uber long metal piece sticking out of it, bent at an awkward angle. He was convinced I had some pretty formidable foes–mafia, gang member, disgruntled employee? I immediately thought of the geriatric perp responsible for this. Sweet, old soon-to-be-89-year-old my ass. You see, each year MomMom gets Paul and I a membership to AAA. You know how the elderly like to feel “relevant” and “appreciated.” The only logical explanation for “my accident” is that because she was feeling a bit ignored lately and in a fit of demented rage (ok, she officially does not have dementia, but after only 3 years, 3 months ago, 2 weeks and 4 days of being married to Paul, I think I have dementia so naturally she must be a little touched after 36 years of him, right?), she snuck out last night, drove an hour from The Home to our place (don’t even start on the “she doesn’t drive at night” shenanigans–she’s got you fooled too, right?), broke into our garage (I am sure Paul sweetly gave her a spare key back in the day–she only has pretended to lose things to throw us off the scent), planted the shank to implode at  j  u  s  t  the right time…

[...wait for it...]

…so I would have to call AAA….

[...wait for it...]

then thank her profusely in front of everybody at her birthday bash Friday night.

To which she would ask me the story of how it happened, put her hand over her heart and say, “Oh, Susan. Bless your heart.”

I know she looks sweet. You telling me her cane is just a cane too? Have you never seen a Bond movie? Sheesh!

Our woman child

I don’t know why we were on the receiving end of this look, but I am sure it is not the last time we will see it or its kind. It is so crazy to see this grown up face coloring a kids menu; the same head that owns this wild hair (she randomly chooses not to brush it after the pool) also drinks from a plastic kids cup.
Are the tween years transitions for parents or for kids?

And she’s only 9.

9 1/2. Sorry.

Anna hard at work on her creation. She insisted on using all of her clay on one piece.

Tyler made a mouse.

Paul even got into the crafty picture!

Paul's creations: SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick (the starfish)

So we waited a couple weeks so the clay could dry and we got some time. Then we decided to paint them. The plan was to take them outside for easy clean-up. So come Sunday morning, we took the paint and brushes outside. Water cup–check. Old canvas to “protect” the driveway–check. Only thing missing was the clay pieces. I was carrying them out, stopped on the way back outside to grab one more thing from the garage (you probably know how much I hate making 2 trips ANYWHERE). That’s when it happened….

~ ~ ~ ~ ~CRASH~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Everything slid off the tray, into the wall and onto the floor.

Carnage, part 1

Carnage, part 2

SpongeBob also suffered the wrath.

I felt sooooo bad. I tried to Superglue—didn’t even pretend to work for a second. Everything broke except for Anna’s–remember she insisted on 1 mass? Tyler pretended it was ok and painted for a second. Then I had a BRILLIANT idea. A way to make up for my clumsy mistake…the devastating blow my impatience caused yet again!

Hammer Time!!!!

Hammer Time!!!!

Point of interest #1: Please note the wearing of safety goggles.

Point of interest #2: Tyler wanted to continue to smash EVERYTHING: toys, chalk, a baseball…

Point of interest #3: I said no.

Point of interest #4: Paul said I told you so.

Balance was again restored in the Sanders Family.

Yes, that is Tyler drinking his eggnog from a wine glass. It is a favorite of his lately that Anna is getting on board with too.  They say that drinks just taste better in the fancy glasses. Hell yeah!  Do we need to add “alcoholism” as a blog tag? I have to admit I did teach the kids to toast, regardless of the type of glass they were using. Check this out:

Cheers!

But then I got nervous: What if no one else wore jeans, and I looked like a slacker? What if my jeans were too tight, and I looked like a huss bag? What if I dressed too nicely and everyone thought I was a prissy-pants? What is a girl to do?? CALL ELLI! I ran my plan by The Tower: wear my white jeans w the blue denim shirt/jacket things from Coldwater Creek. Kind of embracing jeans, but safely. Or so I thought. My clothes coach was horrified! NO WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY IN THE SOUTH!? I thought that was no longer a rule, but apparently, that memo did not make it past the Mason Dixon Line either (along w the fact that the War is over).

I started getting dressed that morning in my compromise outfit: khakis and my CC shirt. Now it was Paul’s turn to be horrified. YOU CAN WEAR JEANS ON A FRIDAY AND YOU AREN’T!? I told him what Elli had said. He declared that Elli was getting her information from Steel Magnolias and I needed to put jeans on. Then it occurred to me that I probably should not take fashion advice from a man who has a 5-polo shirt rotation for his work clothing and wore shorts to his own wedding. I stuck to my guns–or khaki’s rather.

But this is another issue where the North and South diverge: Is it appropriate to wear white after Labor Day?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Next up: “Are my jeans too tight?” Learn what the three questions you need to ask before heading out the door and vote for whether I should wear them to work or not!

I was stunned and grateful I had the newspaper to hide behind. He asked again. I had to respond. I defaulted to Paul’s evasive, “What, Buddy?” while I frantically tried to think of an answer. Was he thinking religiously like where is his soul? Was it an existential question–where are any of us really? Did he forget we buried him? The poor boy repeated himself a third time. I had to say SOMETHING!

“Jake died, baby, remember?”

“”Oh, yeah.” So sad.

The four of us (Mom, Dad and twelve-year-old twin boys) are bicycling from Alaska to Argentina. When we reach the southernmost tip of South America, Davy and Daryl will become the new Guinness World Record holders as the youngest people to cycle the Pan-American Highway!

Wow. It makes me think about long bike rides that Paul and I have gone on. Let’s just say that Paul now carries some cheese to go with my whine. Now add 2 kids, whoa. Then doing school on the road–they call it roadschooling, like homeschooling–get it!? HA! Again, I think about nights at the table with Anna and/or Tyler with their homework. Tears flow, voices are raised, frustration abounds. Then add on prep with no supplies except that which you find on the road or carry on your bike?!

Lastly, eating. Paul is a frickin’ saint. Anna won’t even eat turkey on her sandwich anymore. Mayo and an American slice of cheese on bread, with the crusts cut off of course. Tyler can change his mind 3-4 times about liking something within the span on the same dinner. Can you imagine traveling to other countries on a bike (talk about a Very Hungry Caterpillar!) then get off and there is no Harris Teeter to go get skim milk, hormone free chicken or ingredients to even make tortillas (not that they have a kitchen to make stuff in anyhow). Don’t even think about access to McDonald’s, Domino’s, etc.

Surfer Laird Hamilton says he lives his life well by doing something to scare himself every day. Whether you prefer scaring, inspiring, motivating yourself, I think it is a good message. This family is a good example of this.

Paul cuddling w Maggie. Tyler saw Maggie in our bed and got scared. Apparently he associated Jake being sick with being allowed to be in our bed (which was true), but assumed that if Maggie was in there she was going to die too.

Things are pretty quiet around here without Jake. Paul and I took Maggie and Katie on a hike Sunday morning before we got the kids. We both agreed it was good for us to do “the first one without Jake” on our own before having the kids do their first Jake-less walk.

Anna and Tyler both handled Jake’s death better than Sam’s. They cried when they first saw him laid out by his grave, but once we went through the photos and toys that we wanted to bury with Jake, they were ok. Tyler did a good job helping Paul bury Jake. Anna chose a photo of her as a baby, Paul and Jake that she wanted to put in the frame with the photo she has of Sam.

I did add an entry to “Kids Say the Darndest Things” page about Jake. Check it out!

Enjoying a favorite past time--riding in the car--on the 4th of July this year. He was diagnosed w lymphoma the next day.

Yesterday we buried my man’s best friend. It was so quiet when I fed Maggie and Katie this morning–no Jake to bark his hungry head off. Paul wondered when he was going to stop looking for him in every room. Never. My mom said it best: it will leave a hole in your heart the shape of your pet. And Jake was a big big dog, with an even bigger personality.

The boys after another of Jake's past times--swimming. This was also July of this year, at a local lake one morning before work. Probably after a 3rd past time--Jake tricking us into thinking he was coming out of the water when it was time to go. It always took a few tries to get him back on the leash.

What is a favorite tradition from your family holiday season?

Jake at the vet on Friday. Dr Thomas was very surprised at how well he was doing--that he was still alive at all really. We just want him to be able to enjoy the things he loves as long as he can.

I guess I should have kept my trap shut. Jake took a turn for the worse this weekend. We took the dogs to the Dog Splash (more on that in another post), which we knew would be hard for him physically b/c of the gigantic lymph nodes making it hard to breathe. But we strongly feel that quality of life is what we are shooting for here and Jake CLEARLY had a ball swimming.

Last night he was having a really hard time breathing and we considered taking him to the emergency vet to have him euthanized. Paul laid on the floor with him for awhile and Jake’s breathing finally calmed down and Jake was able to fall asleep. This morning he was just lying around and we had a plan set for Paul to take him. Paul told the kids about it and Tyler got Jake some ice (one of Jake’s favorite treats that he gets… legally at least!). After eating about 10 ice cubes, Tyler gave him cheese, which he snarfed in 1 swallow. [[time out: spell check knows the word "snarfed," but not the word "euthanized." What's up with THAT?!]]  Then Jake turned around and snatched Anna’s bagel out of her hand while she wasn’t paying attention. Paul and I just looked at each other stunned.

So we decided to hold off and watch him for now. I have plans to travel to Cincinnati to see Sydney and the rest of my family for a few days. Worried about leaving Paul to handle all that by himself: he will have the kids T, W, Th (read: homework those nights, plus getting on the bus on W, Th, F). If he needs to put Jake down in the middle of all that, wow. But knowing Jake, he will probably be “helping”  Paul make lunches every morning for many more weeks to come.

Today Paul and I took the kids to Subway for dinner, then we decided to try to do our part to stimulate the economy by buying ice cream at the new Summerfield Creamery. We were getting back in the car and I noticed today is September 10 [you don't pay much attention to the date when you are not working]. I said to Paul, “10 days until our anniversary!!” Paul confirmed with a, “Yep!” [you know he is a man of few words]. I had a few beats of silence to contemplate the past 2 years of marriage–wow, TWO YEARS!! Good for me! Good for us! Good stuff, we can do anything as long as we have each other!”

Then from the back seat, Anna pipes up, “What are we doing for your anniversary!?” Isn’t perspective funny?! I had not even considered this would be on their radar! What is even funnier is that Paul and Tyler will be at Tyler’s soccer practice, and Anna and I will be going to her school for a Parent Night thing.

Cheers!

Jake is hanging in there like the stubborn dog he is. We still give him the max dose of prednisone that the vet originally prescribed. That makes him eat lots and pee more. When we let him out in the morning and after work, its about a 2 minute steady stream. No wonder he is panting when we get up.

He has good days and bad. Yesterday he was running after the ball and the Frisbee some when we were in the back yard. But then when it was time for bed, he had a hard time climbing up. There is a small section of my brain that thinks that he is playing us. Because we are not sure how much longer he will be with us, he pretty much gets what he wants. He gets a can of soft food each morning (also b/c he can’t swallow the hard food so he wasn’t eating much), he doesn’t get yelled at as much when he tramples the garden and eats the tomatoes off the vine the day before Paul was going to pick them, and he sleeps on the bed with us at night. Most nights Jake and I are sacked out before Paul even starts practicing guitar so a couple hours later he has to wiggle in between us. That is always funny b/c he either does it in the dark or leaves the light on , then has to figure out how to get the lamp clicked off.

Often times there is a milestone that dying people hang on for. We are wondering if that might be the Dog Splash for Jake. Each year the city pool in Burlington closes for a week for cleaning and draining the pool. Before they do they let dogs come swim for $5. We took Jake, Maggie and Katie last year and had a BLAST.  The only reason we left was b/c the dogs’ paws were bleeding from running on the concrete and climbing out of the pool (they were not interested in the zero gravity entrance). The 2010 Dog Splash is next weekend (September 11) and we have our reservations set. Here is a picture of Jake at the 2009 Dog Splash:

COWABUNGAAAAAAA

OK, with this last picture…let the record reflect that I was indeed the best “French horn” player there that day. I know it was my mad oboe skills that put me on top.

You can see that we really owe Dub and Betsey a bigger than ever thank you for dealing with our chaos. They really are wonderful hosts and we look forward to our day at the lake every summer!

Day 1, 12/17/09: Anna’s 8th birthday. Paul and I met Robin and Jason, and of course Tyler at Rio Grande for Anna’s birthday dinner. Anna chose the restaurant–Rio G won for the 3rd year in a row. I just LOVE this picture of Anna.

Anna at her Rio Grande birthday dinner, Dec 17

Day 2, 12/18/09: Kids Family Birthday Party. Stephanie and Biz planned a party for Anna and Tyler at their house. Sandie, Brandon, Haley, Hunter and Mom Mom all celebrated with us.

Tyler had a Star Wars cake complete w light up light sabers. Anna had a doll cake complete w Barbie-like doll you lifted out of the cake before cutting.

Day 3, 12/19/09: Tyler’s 6th birthday. Before we could celebrate Tyler’s birthday, we had to play in the snow! That’s right, we had about 7 inches of snow on Friday night/Saturday morning. Then we met Robin, Jason and Lacey (their baby) at Chuck E Cheese to celebrate Tyler’s day.

Anna, Tyler and Frosty. This was after sledding off the ramp Paul built for them!

Ahhhh, my NRA reps.

Day 4, 12/20/09: Extended Sanders Family Christmas/Susan’s half birthday. OK, 1 was celebrated a little more than the other, but still…

Paul and me before starting to open presents at MomMom's.

Day 5, 12/21/09: Susan’s manager Christmas party and Cole’s Annual Christmas party.

(photos unavailable, cameras confiscated by security, paparazzi bounced from property)

Day 6, 12/22/09: Celebrated Paul’s birthday at UNC vs. Marshall basketball game!

My first time in the Dean Dome! I mean... me doing whatever Paul wanted to do for his birthday!

Paul and I are vegging out tonight. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, not sure what the plans are. Then we get the kids on Christmas Day about noon. Then Christmas w Steph and Biz, et. al on Sat afternoon! 9 events in 11 days! Whoooooo hooooooo! Keep in mind this was including 10 loads of laundry, 0 minutes of napping, 3 days of work (which included creating a plan to restructure our cardiac rehab program to make up for $96,000 worth of revenue that we cannot bill for in 2010 and 4 days of 11 state inspectors surveying our hospital), baking 120 cookies and only 30 minutes of physical activity and NO tears shed! Happy Sanders Hanukkah!

We MUST do this more often! The saddest thing ever was getting it set up, Anna choosing a card, then saying, “What do I do? I can’t remember!” I should have known we were in trouble when it turned out to only have 2 game pieces (Mom–is that the game from my childhood?). So Paul got a couple more. I was the green man, Anna was the red man, Tyler was a Transformer from McDonald’s named “S” (no one can remember the real name and it has an S on it). Paul was the Emperor from Star Wars, complete w electricity coming from his finger tips. Awesome. I won once, Anna won the 2nd time. There was also the small side game of Paul running around the board as the Emperor electrocuting people.

Then I read some of A Light in the Attic to them. They now think Wild Strawberries are real (with shark teeth and feet and a tail). Then they borrowed a couple books of mine. [my parents brought me a couple boxes of them last year--VERY cool and a HUGE hit w the kids] Tyler got in bed then called me back wanting to know, in a very distressed voice, who colored in that book. He was shocked into silence when I told him it was me. Could’ve knocked him over w a feather….